Posts
Her: "You know, one of those annoying sorority whores."
Client: "Negative reinforcement works."
Him (the brother): "I didn't like either of those guys, they were both douches."
Her (the sister): "Sometimes a douche feels good."
Girl 1: "Are you going to bring any pot on the plane?"
Girl 2: "I think I'm going to smuggle it in my tampon."
..........
Girl 2: "Don't worry, I'm not putting it up inside me."
Me: "You girls don't know much about smuggling drugs do you?"
..........
Me: "Package it up in peanut butter and mail it to yourself via FedEx or UPS."
Girl 2: "Gross."
Girl 3: "Does it matter what kind of peanut butter?"
Me: "No."
Girl 1: "I don't like natural peanut butter, it's got all this gross oil."
Girl 2: "It's more healthy for you."
Girl 3: "What kind of peanut butter do you like Uber?"
Me: "Have you ever tried Almond Butter?"
..........
Guy says, "Yeah, I'm from Minnesota. Red Sox fans thank me all the time."
"For what?"
"David Ortiz."
I picked up a guy who threatened to sue me once. He couldn't remember who I was...
Wake up in FoCo and I'm rolling out the door to drive down to Denver and get some rides before grabbing a friend at the airport. The sun isn't up yet. App on. Ping! Great, probably the same direction I'm going judging by pick up location and city layout...
Phone rings, "Are you seriously 10 minutes away?"
"Yes, are you on a hurry"
"Yeah, kind of, we need to get to my boyfriends house."
"Well good luck with that." And I'm off to Denver.
Drive with Uber and get some puke in your car! Use this referral code: g4m06ue
Sign up for the passenger app and get $20 off your first ride with this code: g4m06ue
